“Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.”
We’ve chatted previously about boundaries. As part of today’s reflection, I’d like to suggest you read or re-read the post titled “boundaries” from 2020.
Wall surrounding an 800 year old cemetery with Viking graves, Unst, UK
Boundaries can be built to protect us from the threat of others whether real or imagined…
they can be used to establish order and control…
and can become so firmly entrenched we might forget why they were constructed.
St. Ninians, Shetland, UK
Yet, what if we learned to set boundaries that promoted healthy relationships rather than built out of the need to protect ourselves from unhealthy and/or toxic relationships?
Let’s apply the quote from the beginning and use a bit of deductive reasoning:
If peace is relational and boundaries are a neccessity for healthy relationships, then peace equals the need for boundaries.
Old stone walls in Shetland were built out of need… to organize sheep and keep them situated on the grazing land and away from arable land. Those stone walls were laborious to build… extracting the stone by hand from the Earth and placing each one just right so the wall would last… for 100’s of years. This was an intentional and necessary boundary.
Many of these walls are no longer needed… yet they persist, etched in the landscape.
What walls or boundaries have you built that were needed yet persisted over time?
I, myself, am working on taking down some old walls and establishing some new boundaries. And this book, has been mightily helpful.
The idea of a boundary can conjure up feelings of rigidity, inflexibility, control… all words I would not associate with peace, nor healthy relationships. When I stop to think about other barriers that are fluid, adaptable, resilient and strong…
a cell membrane comes to mind…
the phospholipid bilayer. We have 1000’s of cells in our bodies where the “wall” is created from tiny fatty acids that organize in a way that is semi-permeable… beneficial nutrients are allowed entry either passively or actively into the cell promoting health and ultimately, the survival of the person.
This clever little membrane (boundary) can also have channels… highly-regulated openings or “gates.”
When we establish healthy boundaries, we need gates… as the initial quote says, “boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.”
Cottage in Yell, UK
Gate and fence protected by a trowie, Walls, Shetland, UK
Peace nugget #5
Take some time today to ponder what it means to establish boundaries that are fluid and adaptable. Do you have some boundaries that need reconstructing? Do you need to insert a gate?
Other:
Some have asked where the photos from yesterday were taken. All of them are from my travels to Shetland in 2023. Based on the number of door photos I have taken, I must have a thing for doors… there are many more.
Thank you for all your responses to “doorways.” So many wonderful comments and thoughts about the doors in our lives. I spent a lot of time pondering your responses. I appreciate all of you!